The Best of Late Night...

Posted August 7th, 2007 by The Idiot

"Not such a great day for the "Girls Gone Wild” guy, Joe Francis. He got sentenced to 35 days in jail for contempt of court in Florida. And he cried. He didn’t want to be photographed going to jail so he pulled his T-shirt up over his head."

-Craig Ferguson

"While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired."

-Conan O'Brien

"According to a news report out today, on the average, 2006 was the safest year for airlines. It’s mostly due to JetBlue. You can’t have an accident if you never leave the runway."

-Jay Leno

"Sunday is Earth Day. In honor of Earth Day, all of today’s jokes have been recycled. "

-David Letterman

"A new study says that heart disease is related to erectile dysfunction. No wonder Dick Cheney has been so grumpy all the time."

-Jay Leno

"Jessica Simpson’s father has offered to manage Britney Spears’ career. When asked why he wants to manage Britney, he said, "She‘s like the third untalented daughter I never had."

-Conan O'Brien

"Prime Minister Tony Blair says that bad drivers kill more people and are a bigger threat to the world than war and disease. In fact, I read that in the paper this morning in the car as I was driving to work."

-Jay Leno

"Beautiful day. It was warm and still. Actually the only breeze we had was from the Yankees blowing another game."

-David Letterman

"The story that has rocked show business: Rosie O’Donnell announced that she’s leaving "The View.” The sad part: None of the other hosts on "The View” heard what she said because they were all talking at the same time."

-Jay Leno

"Big news: Rosie O’Donnell is leaving "The View.” After making that announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab."

-David Letterman

"News from Washington D.C.: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says that despite the criticism of his performance, he will not resign. Despite the criticism, he will not resign. It’s like I have a twin."

-David Letterman